What Happens When a Leader Breaks a Shared Norm?

And what can you do about it?

I’ve been working with leaders on how to hold their teams accountable in a clear, values-aligned way. One client recently shared that they’ve been hesitant to set team norms because they’re afraid they might not be able to meet them themselves.

Does that sound familiar?

As a leader, you’re not just responsible for holding others to expectations. You’re also modeling what it looks like to be accountable yourself. That can feel like a lot of pressure, especially when you’ve got more work, more stress, and more eyes on you.

So what happens when you’re worried that you might miss the mark?

You might be tempted to lower the bar. Skip holding people accountable for deadlines, responsiveness, or follow-through because you’re not sure you’ll hit those expectations either.

Here’s what to do instead so that you can model the leadership that aligns with your values 

Start with Alignment

Before setting (or reinforcing) expectations, pause and reflect. Are these norms helping your team fulfill your mission and values? Are they realistic for everyone, including you? Clarity and alignment come first.

Model 100% Accountability

That doesn’t mean being perfect. It means owning when you don’t meet expectations. Don’t make excuses. Say what happened, why it matters, and what you’ll do differently next time. This creates psychological safety and reinforces the importance of the norm.

Stay Solution-Focused

If you expect your team to be solution-focused, start with yourself. What’s the fix? What needs to change—tools, time, communication—so it doesn’t happen again?

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